Prologue

Regina moaned as her lover’s hand brushed over her breast, teasing an excited nipple before sliding slowly, ever so slowly, down her stomach. Dizzy with lust, she arched up to meet his touch, her whole body quivering in response as he kissed her neck.

“Yes—yes do that more—oh, harder.” Regina whispered the directions, rolling her neck to the side to encourage what he was doing.

She sought his gaze in the dark, wanting to see him. She wanted him to know that she was so hot she was practically on fire for him. Her chest, her neck, her face burned with heat. She was a flame in the night ready to blaze out of control if he would just move his hand a little lower. She moaned at the thought of what was about to happen.

“Regina,” he whispered huskily in her ear, just before pulling away.

Her eyes popped open then, and Regina stared hazily into the silent darkness of her bedroom. Turning her head, she knew exactly what she would find. No one was on the pillow. No man was beside her. Damn it. It had happened again.

“No—,” she moaned aloud, her heart still thundering in her chest even as she lay panting and drenched in the bed, her nightshirt sticking to her hot body.

Regina swore over and over as she sat up, the epithets bouncing around the empty bedroom before coming back only to her. Only a dream, she realized as reality returned in bits and pieces. It had been just another erotic dream. And she didn’t even get to the good part because the damn hot flash had woke her up first.

“I don’t believe this crap,” she said, raking her wet curls back from her face.

Being forty-seven truly sucked at times, and tonight was definitely one of them.

Perimenopause sucked as well, especially as that female stage had brought bouts of insomnia with it. Losing sleep was certainly not good for anyone, but she would rather test some alternative solutions before altering her body chemistry more drastically with hormone replacement therapy. She already knew of one solution she’d willingly try first chance she got.

Based on her surveys of her female clients, Regina had developed a theory that an active sex life could inspire the body to help regulate hormones—at least when orgasm was achieved regularly—but to test the theory she needed a real man in her life. Damn it.

And she obviously still wanted one badly, judging by how often she had sex dreams.

Frustration tensed her legs and hips, making her sluggish as she forced herself to climb out of bed. Shedding her now wet nightshirt on the way to bathroom, she hung it carelessly on the doorknob to dry. She bent over the large cut glass sink she cherished to splash her burning face with cold water. The cool water brought immediate relief and the return of the rest of her sanity.

“You even look horny,” she told her reflection in the mirror, assessing her shiny face and tousled bed hair which was curling wildly. What she saw reflected there was a fairly attractive, hot-blooded, mostly redheaded woman, who was still looking to be the answer to some man’s erotic fantasies.

“So where’s the guy then?” she asked her reflection.

The biggest irony of her life was Regina knew as much about sexually pleasing a man as a professional prostitute. She should have a black book full of satisfied lovers to rival her friend Alexa’s list. Instead, Regina rarely even had a man to practice her expertise on.

Oh granted, there was sometimes a line of men who thought they wanted a night with her. But when they found out how seriously she took sex, they ran really fast in the other direction.

Okay, she could admit that her typical reaction of unleashing her temper probably made men run just that much harder and faster away from her, but how else could she react?

No, she wasn’t like her infamous friend, Alexa Ranger, with her endless optimism for dating. Yet she wasn’t like her friend Lauren McCarthy either, with her collection of mechanical toys and a men-are-slime attitude.

Sure she wanted sex. But also more than sex. She wanted love.

She wanted what Alexa had with Casey, only with a mature guy she could talk to about her work now and again.

How did someone with her crazy life meet a guy like that?

Disgusted with her hot flash pity party, Regina pulled her messy curls up with her hands and stared angrily at the woman staring back at her. For all her degrees, all her years of expertise, all her phenomenal success rate with clients, Regina still couldn’t solve her own frigging dating problems.

Love and sex simply did not have to be this complicated. Wasn’t that what she told her clients every day? Well, at least sex didn’t have to be, and Regina was really, really tired of being the frustrated, bitchy sex therapist who never had sex. If she were counseling herself, she would conclude it had just been too long since she had been physically intimate with a man. She had talked Alexa into addressing her physical needs, and then her friend had ended up dating Casey.

So why wasn’t she taking that same kind of care of herself?

She splashed more water on her face as she thought about it.

“Damn good question,” she said to her reflection, patting her face dry.

Maybe she’d just take a trip to Europe and hire a man for a week over there where she was unlikely—or at least less likely—to be recognized. Regina closed her weary, sleep-deprived eyes and let herself imagine a sexy European with a thick accent whispering lusty demands in her ear. But hearing the governor of California’s Austrian accent in her head instead immediately improved her mood by making her laugh hard out loud.

“I’ll be back for you, darling,” she mocked, not coming close at all to any European accent. She didn’t mind the failure of her gigolo fantasy. Hysterical laughter at four in the morning had to be better than swearing or crying.

And amusement counted as optimism, didn’t it?

Sighing and mostly calm at last, Regina got a clean nightshirt out of her dresser, pulled it over her rapidly cooling body, and climbed back into bed. She swore again when she discovered her pillow was wet, flipped it over, and finally settled back down for a couple more hours of restless sleep.

 

Chapter 1

After a day made more grueling by all the nights of interrupted sleep that preceded it, Regina tiredly locked her office door and happily dropped the keys into her portfolio bag. She still wasn’t sure how her friend Lauren McCarthy had coerced her into being the entertainment for her latest fundraiser, but that’s where she was headed now. She would rather be going home to a hot bath and a glass of cognac. Her energy gas tank was running on empty and her sneaky, manipulative friend would just have to forgive her for running a little late.

It had taken a while to come up with a talk tame enough for the country club crowd Lauren typically drew for her fundraisers. Regina knew how to practice restraint in her subject matter when necessary, but she was more used to saying things others barely dared to think about. Restraint was harder and it required that she think before blurting out her true thoughts.

In the parking lot, Regina pulled her attention away from her surly mood and back to the present as she smiled. The day got measurably better when she saw her favorite male waiting for her in the parking lot.

“Hello, Harry,” she purred in her best sexy voice, “you’re looking very handsome today. Want to go for a ride?”

Regina walked the short distance to her car, an excited hand reaching for the sleek door handle of her metallic baby blue Porsche. Delighted to be comforted at last, she let herself sink into the plush leather driver’s seat. It rumbled beneath her rear as she started the car and she sighed in pleasure, laughing softly at her intense response.

Ironically, it had been ‘Saint McCarthy’ who had pointed out to Regina her relationship to her car was the most sexual one in her life. While Regina had laughed hard at Lauren’s unusually blunt teasing, she would readily admit to anyone that a growling car sure as hell beat a vibrator for her any day. Driving Harry made the craziness of her life seem at least a little more worth it. So Regina worked hard on letting Harry and the good she did for others be enough to keep her content.

Tonight she stroked the leather shifter firmly, groaning in happiness as she pushed in the most responsive clutch she had ever known. She touched a button on the dash and the Stones’ soulful music filled the small car. It was reassuring somehow to hear the sexy lead singer complaining about the same problem of finding satisfaction that she had.

“Come on, Harry. Let’s go talk to some stuffy rich people about sex,” Regina said to the car, peeling out of the parking lot.

***

Ben Kaiser walked the long hallway to the country club’s administrative offices, trying to remember the last time he had been to a function like this. It probably had been before Catherine had gotten sick, which was three years ago at least.

He hadn’t really been very social since she’d died, though not from grief exactly. His grieving had taken place over the entire two years of her illness as he had lost her a little at a time. By the time Catherine had finally died, sheer relief she was out of pain had proven stronger than what he had felt over her actual death. The six months since had been about figuring out next steps.

His family was encouraging him to start dating, and Ben wasn’t opposed to it. He just hadn’t thought about it much or taken any action yet. Trying to be social again was one of the reasons he had decided to come tonight and deliver the bid himself. It had crossed his mind several times lately to ask Lauren McCarthy out to dinner. She was divorced, had been for years. A tall, sleek blond who dressed meticulously, Lauren was as polished as Catherine had been, though she didn’t seem to have the same warmth.

Not that he was looking for another Catherine exactly.

Actually, Ben didn’t really know what he wanted. After being married for twenty-five years, he didn’t know how dating worked anymore or what it was like to look for someone new. His not knowing was one of the reasons Lauren seemed like a safe first date. It was a well-known fact Lauren McCarthy wasn’t looking for anything more than a pleasant dinner companion.

Though fifty felt to him a bit late in life to be starting so completely over, Ben prided himself on having an open mind. He knew he wasn’t meant to be alone. He liked sex too much for one thing, or at least he used to. He hadn’t been able to express those needs in a long time but was looking forward to doing so again soon.

Being a man who trusted his instincts, he was willing to wait a bit longer and let them lead him in the right direction. If they didn’t, then he’d probably ask Lauren out to jumpstart his dating. In his mind, instincts were Plan A. Dating a safe woman was Plan B. There was nothing wrong with planning, was there?

Besides, he had always enjoyed the hunt, even though he did tend to settle into a monogamous relationship more quickly than most men. Maybe he was just an all or nothing kind of guy. He had only ever chased women that he thought would be potential wife material. Since he’d found Catherine with that attitude, Ben figured the same method should work as well for him this time around.

Finding the office locked, Ben slid the manila envelope containing his company’s estimates under the door. The deep discount on renovating the McIntyre Retirement Community was his business’s contribution to the fund, and Ben was glad his company was wealthy enough to do it.

Heading into the ballroom of the club, he saw the tables were filling and the music had begun. Lights had been lowered to an intimate level to entice dancers to the floor. Lauren was talking to a group of people off to one side of the room.

Along the other side, there was a table overflowing with food. Standing at the food table was a smiling redhead with a trim, but generous figure. She was wearing a fitted black dress that seemed to him to be working pretty hard to restrain the curvy woman inside it. The fact that he noticed her body made him smile and realize that he really had missed having a woman in his life.

He watched as the one now holding his interest spoke to someone else getting food. She casually popped a grape into her mouth as she talked, all the while nodding at something that was being said. Ben tried to tear his gaze away from watching her eat and chat, but he simply couldn’t.

Then the realization hit.

I’m attracted to her. Blood started pumping a bit harder and faster as he adjusted to the unfamiliar feeling. Well, how interesting was this?

He rubbed the tightness in his chest with one hand, glad to see attraction still worked like he believed it was supposed to work. You saw someone interesting, and then just took a chance. And why not? Used to following his thinking without question, his feet were already moving him toward her before he could ponder the answer to his own rhetorical question. He reached her just as she was tossing her now empty plate into the trash.

“Hello,” Ben said, smiling at her surprise, weirdly happy to have caught her off-guard. “Would you like to dance? It’s for a good cause I hear.”

***

The polite refusal Regina had been about to make died on her tongue when she moved her eyes to take in the man’s smiling face. It was a rare occurrence for her to be rendered speechless, and yet she was as she met his direct, obviously interested gaze.

Damn erotic dreams. She fumed at having to fight a sudden urge to wipe damp palms on the sides of her dress. Her dream man would undoubtedly have this man’s face tonight. Somewhere between the ages of forty and fifty, the incredible specimen standing in front of her was incredibly handsome.

Only a little taller than her five-foot-eight height in shoes, there appeared to be a lot of solid male packed into the space he occupied. His mostly jet-black hair was streaked with silver on each side of his head. Looking like a magazine model, his skin was tanned and clear. And his very nice clothes were perfectly suited to him.

It wasn’t often a man who looked like him sought her out, and his open appraisal of her body had her flustered.

Yet as physically appealing as he was, it was the man’s rakish smile that was most severely testing her composure. He hadn’t said more than a few words to her, hadn’t even touched so much as her hand, and yet here she was, already turned on just looking at him.

Confusion over her sudden, intense attraction rose inside her. It was threatening to overrun her normal sense of self-protection like a rising tidal wave preparing to conquer a shore. Fortunately, before she could do something totally stupid, like giggle or reach out to touch him on the arm, her normal self-protection urges finally overrode her hormonal reaction.

“Thanks, but I shouldn’t be dancing—really, I have—well, things—I have to do shortly,” Regina stammered.

Then she winced at her reply. If she had heard anyone else say something so lame, she’d have rolled her eyes. Her sharp tongue, which habitually shocked everyone—sometimes even her—seemed unwilling to say a simple “no” to a man who looked as good as he did.

“Seriously… I do have things to do.”

Regina watched the man’s eyes crinkle in amusement as he smiled at her attempt to politely refuse. Rows of perfectly straight, perfectly even white teeth sent unexpected butterflies fluttering around in her stomach. His disbelieving look was much more alluring to her than his polite words. Plus, his wicked smile could have thawed the frozen tundra. His confidence showed itself in his relaxed stance as he lifted a hand to her anyway.

Regina realized that he wasn’t going to take no for an answer. Her reaction to his persistence landed somewhere between here-I-go-again and holy-hell-he’s-hot. Her cool was nowhere to be found. She sighed louder than a self-conscious teenager being asked out by the hot guy in school. Mentally, she attributed her reaction to being unable to recall the last time a man had pursued her so blatantly and openly. But no amount of self-analysis was going help her tongue formulate any response but the one she wanted to give him.

Down girl, Regina ordered herself as the butterflies took flight again.

But it was too late.

His smile widened as his gaze swept over her, his knowing look challenging her to say a real yes simply because he could tell she wanted to. For the first time in her life, Regina literally felt her willpower being sucked away as she all but drowned in the man’s dancing emerald gaze.

She stared at his outstretched hand and bit her lip trying to decide how bad an idea it was going to be to accept.

***

Ben looked the woman over thoroughly, feeling genuine relief when he saw no ring on her left hand. She was older than he had guessed from across the room, with faint but definite smile lines softening her eyes. Ben liked the lines. They were the marks of a real woman. Someone with character and personality, he thought, thanking the instinct that had sent him across the floor to her.

“Just a dance—I promise I won’t keep you long,” Ben said sincerely, holding out his hand.

Sighing reluctantly, and looking more resigned than pleased, the woman finally put her hand in his as they walked out to the dance floor. Her obvious reluctance made Ben smile even more.

Despite the interest in her gaze, he could tell he made her a little nervous. Her color was high and her breathing erratic as she stepped into his arms. Her efforts to keep a discreet distance between their bodies had him grinning at them both. It was exciting as hell to coax her closer, and equally exciting to think the woman wanted to be coaxed.

Maybe he should have started dating sooner, Ben thought. What else could explain how thrilled he was to have his hands on the woman in his arms? Too delighted with his spontaneous courage to second-guess the direction of his thoughts, Ben gently, but firmly, spun her off to the music. In her low heels, she was the perfect match to his five-ten height. They moved around the floor slowly while she worked out her comfort level in dancing with him.

Ben heard himself sigh in relief when she finally relaxed and boldly used the opportunity to move into holding her a little more intimately. His face brushed her hair when they had to dodge the other dancers. She smelled like a rich dessert, something with vanilla ice cream and warm cherries. His body tightened, reminding him it had been a very long time since he had even thought about having dessert, much less wanted someone so specifically.

Like an impatient kid, he found himself testing the attraction between them by pulling her even closer, inappropriately close for strangers no doubt, but the fleeting concern over proprieties didn’t stop him.

Then he was suddenly beyond polite when she sighed raggedly and her scent filled him again. He felt himself physically connect to a woman for the first time in years and didn’t want to fight it at all.

She drew in a sharp breath of awareness as their fronts brushed. In response, Ben ran a caressing hand across her back to let her know he understood and felt it too. To his amazement, she leaned more into him then, bringing her breasts against his chest until he could actually feel her heart beating rapidly against his.

He took another deep breath, pulling her scent further inside him, closing his eyes this time to make a memory of dancing with her. When she sagged against him in surrender to what was happening between them, Ben swallowed hard in response.

The urge to kiss her came swift and strong—too strong not to act on it.

Dipping his head and fully intending to follow the urge, Ben felt her ease their bodies apart. He noticed her flushed, almost embarrassed face. Instead of feeling guilty as he probably should have, her discomfort only confirmed for him that she felt exactly as he did. That was why when she started to draw away more, he immediately tightened his hold to stop her full escape.

When their fronts brushed again during the silent struggle, they finally just stopped moving altogether. Then suddenly they were standing still in the middle of the crowded dance floor, staring at each other in shock, arms still linked in the dance form. It was a toss-up which one of them was breathing harder.

Ben checked in with himself about what to do next only to find his instincts laughing at his hesitation.

“We need to take a walk,” he said decisively, pulling her along with him, not really giving her time to formulate a reasonable answer—or to refuse.

“No, really—I can’t go with you—I really don’t have time to take a walk,” she protested.

He heard her trying to clear her throat to speak more clearly even as she reluctantly let him lead her outside.

Ben slowed a little as they followed the brick path through elaborate English gardens. They passed by red roses draped and flowing over trellises. A large fountain spilled water over several layers of concrete and rock. Finally, he stopped near a very old magnolia tree already half in bloom.

Ben walked them both over to it, his urge to seduce her overcoming his usually impeccable manners. Using the full length of his body, he pressed her into the tree, not the least bit surprised when she let him. He’d never been so physically in sync with a woman. “I know this is crazy, but I really need to kiss you,” he said at last, hoping the explanation was enough to justify his boldness.

The woman looked at him with confusion again, but also with the most honest desire Ben had ever seen in a woman’s eyes. His heart beat hard in anticipation, hoping like hell she wasn’t going to stop him. And it beat even harder thinking she might want what was happening as badly as he did.

“Okay,” she conceded softly, her sexy voice a tiny whisper across the distance between their mouths.

Ben kissed her lightly at first, testing the strangeness of her lips against his, but found only a sense of absolute rightness. He tasted the sweetness of the grape he’d watched her eat earlier. Then he kissed her a little harder, letting his tongue ride the seam of her lips, asking to be let inside. When she finally opened her mouth to him on a moan, his tongue dove in, delighted to tangle with hers at last.

And as he kissed her, Ben explored her, letting his hands travel boldly over her body. When his hands eventually found her hips, he held her tightly to him, rocking rhythmically against her as his tongue made love to her mouth. The sweet pleasure of what they were doing gave him the most astounding sense of hope. Need deepened and Ben eagerly ground his still growing erection against her, pushing her back into the tree with little thought of her comfort or his.

On some level, Ben knew it was crazy to be making out with a woman he didn’t know but he still didn’t want to stop. Like some randy teenager, the question of who she was became a secondary consideration, much less important than the one about how long he would have to wait before he could be inside her.

***

Regina ignored the alarms sounding in her brain about kissing a stranger. Delighted with the erotic madness the man was creating with his mouth and hands, she chose to forget the fact she didn’t even know his name. She also didn’t want to acknowledge the tree scraping her back through her dress. Instead, she willingly let him rock his impressive hardness against her, the pleasure of each press sending her spiraling a little higher.

Surrounded by the wonderful smell of magnolia blossoms, what they were doing was a fantasy come to life for her. The man’s mouth was its own kind of heaven–better than any erotic dream, better than any man she had ever known in fact.

Where the hell had he been all this time, she wondered?

Then an awful thought intruded. What if she hadn’t come tonight? What if she hadn’t agreed to help Lauren? She might not be doing this with him right now.

No—no, Regina denied in a panic, pulling the man with the talented mouth tighter to her. Her eager body strained against his to get closer, thrilled every time she felt him pulling her hips up against his in time with what his mouth was doing.

From far away, she heard Lauren calling her name. The man pulled away a little, ceasing to rock against her.

“No—please, don’t stop kissing me,” Regina begged, groaning into his mouth, kissing him again and wanting his hips against hers.

He laughed roughly in her ear, hiding his face against her throat with a groan. “I don’t want to stop either, but someone is coming,” he said sadly, his voice husky and low in her ear.

Yes, and I so wish like hell it was us, Regina thought, her true self surfacing at last, even through the haze of lust the man’s kisses had generated. It was all she could do not to speak the complaint aloud.

Regina closed her eyes as she worked to reign in her libido. As Lauren’s voice got closer, the man stepped away from her still quivering body, pulling her away from the tree in the process. His eyes were dazed and still dark with passion. Regina imagined hers looked pretty much the same. She sighed hard in resignation, hating her life in that moment.

“Lauren—stop yelling. I’m over here,” she called roughly, shocked at having to clear her throat before continuing. Even her vocal cords were turned on. Regina reached behind her and dusted her rear to make sure no tree bark had stuck there.

“The natives are getting restless. It’s time for your speech,” Lauren said, amused as she took in Regina’s mussed hair and missing lipstick, as well as Ben’s stunned expression and rumpled clothes. She couldn’t help smiling at their guilty expressions. It was pretty clear they’d been getting along.

“Talk now. Play later. You need to get your Dr. Logan butt back inside and dazzle some money out of these people for me,” Lauren teased. “Hi, Ben. I see you met my friend Regina.”

Ben looked at the woman he’d been kissing in absolute shock. “Regina? Regina Logan? You’re—Dr. Regina Logan?” he exclaimed. He ran a hand through his hair as he glared at her. “Shit—I don’t believe this. Why didn’t you tell me who you were?”

Regina snorted in derision at his statement. Over the years, many men had rejected her just for who she was or what she did for a living, and she had survived those rejections. Eventually, she’d survive this one too. But at the moment she could still taste him, still feel his hands exploring her, and still feel him rocking against her in passionate possibility. The loss of what could have been between them broke what was left of her forty-seven-year-old romantic heart.

Okay breathe, she ordered herself. Screaming will not help. Do not scream. Do not let him know how destroyed you are.

Regina glared at the man’s embarrassed face, letting his abhorrence of her reputation curl her mouth into a regretful grimace. In a matter of moments, the amount of anger rolling through her equaled the amount of attraction she had originally felt for him. She welcomed the anger because it was better than the enormous pain of her bone-deep disappointment in the sexiest man she had ever met.

“Well, excuse the hell out of me. It was impossible to talk with your tongue in my mouth.”

She made herself step an arm’s length away. It lowered her temptation to punch the handsome, but gutless man in his attractive nose. And now she had to go give a damn speech as if nothing life-shattering had happened.

Snorting again, Regina lifted her chin and moved past both the shocked man and a surprised Lauren.

“Give me five minutes and I’ll be ready,” she said, walking away and not glancing back. In her experience, no good ever had come of trying to explain herself anyway.

After Regina was out of sight, Lauren gave Ben a sheepish look. “Sorry about the interruption.”

Still horrified by what he’d learned, Ben stood there staring, watching the passionate woman he had kissed striding angrily away from him. He could tell he had embarrassed her but was too stunned to be able to feel bad about it yet. Everyone in the country club had seen him all but drag the notorious woman—Dr. Regina Logan—out the damn door.

His predominant concern at the moment was that he had to go back inside now as if he had done nothing out of the ordinary. Some of the people inside knew him—had known him and Catherine. Some had been clients of his over time. The gossip about his behavior would be worse if he ran away.

And God only knew what kind of hassle he would get when Alfred and Daniel heard about it.

“I just saw her across the room. I had no idea who she was,” Ben declared in his defense as if it somehow explained the insanity of it all. But of course, it didn’t.

Lauren smiled wistfully, wishing something as romantic could happen to her sometime. She took Ben’s arm to guide him back. “How utterly wonderful for both of you.”

Ben couldn’t tell if Lauren was being serious or sarcastic, but she dropped him just inside the door of the club and walked up to the podium to introduce her speaker.

Then Dr. Regina Logan, the woman who had only moments ago begged him not to stop kissing her, stepped up to speak. When a spotlight hit her full on, the applause in the room was deafening, complete with catcalls and whistles.

Ben looked around at the smiling, laughing faces in stunned disbelief.

Then he looked back at the now smiling woman who was commanding the attention of the entire crowd. How could he have not known? How could he have been attracted to the one woman here that was her?

“I see we have a lively crowd tonight,” she began, raising her voice above the whistles. “Okay people, let’s talk about sex.”

The crowd roared and clapped. Ben heard Regina Logan laugh huskily into the microphone. He felt himself getting aroused again as she began to talk, her teasing tone punctuated by her laughter. When she saw him, Ben could have sworn she winked in his direction. No one seemed to notice, but he blushed anyway, glaring back at her in response.

It wasn’t fair. He could still taste her. He could still feel the enthusiastic response of her hips meeting his. Her uninhibited reaction, he supposed, could now be explained by what she did for a living, by what she understood about the physical side of things.

Ben ran a frustrated hand through his hair before putting both hands in his pockets to restrain them. He wanted to hit something or someone. He wanted the violence almost as badly as he wanted to drag the woman behind the podium back to the garden and kiss her again to see if it was her—or him—or them.

Damn it. Why in the hell did that woman have to be Dr. Regina Logan?